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Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The One Job that I Truly Loved

In my last post, I drove over the TMI (Too Much Information) line and didn't really back up with my comments about Sperm Banks and Team 88 million during my first ascent of Mt Hood. In my humble opinion, one really can't casually mention sperm banks and specific sperm count (88 million) and not offer additional comments. Well, I am kind of begging for someone to ask for more comments almost like when someone casually mentions that they remember the late 60's. While being paid to give bodily fluids doesn't usually fall into the post-MBA experience category, the MBA career path can take many twists and turns. I am sure that I can't be the first MBA to do it and won't be the last.

Since you asked (or at least are still reading), I was a sperm donor for about 9 months. I did get a milestone payment so I was a professional but I never went on the market due to some silly FDA rule. The best response that I got about my profession was:

"Wow, you are the one person that I know who truly loves their job and you make money hand over fist. But after a hard day's work, what do you do to relax when you get home?"

Here are some other questions that I have been asked about being a sperm donor:

Is it hard- er I mean difficult to get selected? The tricky part is that your family history can change at any time which would eliminate you as a candidate. If anyone in your immediate family gets diagnosed with cancer or a chronic disease, your DNA changes. You also have to be appealing to someone selecting a donor. However, with my Ivy League educated background and especially being Jewish, I was fast tracked.

What are the donation rooms like? They are like the doctor offices where you have exams only one drawer is filled with some porn magazines. There is also a two way cabinet where you leave your donation. Otherwise, it's just like a doctor office. I was slightly concerned that an unintended consequence of my work would be that I would get aroused every time I went to the doctor.

Don't you have to abstain for a certain period of time before giving at the office? 48 hours but it varies based on how quickly you can replenish your supply. I had just started dating my wife around this time period so this was really tough. That's how I learned that 88 million was an acceptable sperm count because I didn't always meet that threshold.

Did you get to meet any of your co-workers? I did not and that's one thing that kind of disappointed me. Although we probably wouldn't shake hands with each other, there was ample opportunity for conversation topics and have some form of community.

What's this profile that people use to pick a donor? Marketing is important to help position brands of tooth paste so it's definitely important to position someone's future offspring. The sperm bank had a social worker interview me and we carefully reviewed my profile to emphasize talents and show my flattering side. This profile was posted on a website that recipients could peruse. It also had to be anonymous but this profile was so good that it could have been used for my on-line dating profile.

The toughest question that I had to answer was, "Why do you want to be a sperm donor?" Others had written some really heart felt responses about the importance of children or wanting to help other fulfill their dreams of starting a family. I realized that writing, "He heh heh heh, you said sperm, heh heh heh" wasn't going to cut it.

How many times can you be selected? There are rules around how many different parents can select a donor. If I remember, it was about 9 so there was no building of future empires. The rule was derived mainly to limit the number of times two kids would fall in love only to discover that they were related.

The Sperm bank used to be located right next to the medical school. That made it really easy to get donors and probably might have really distracted some students during lab (or maybe it relaxed them, either way I just hope that they washed their hands).

Fair readers (or any who are still left), anyone have bodily fluid donation experiences that you would like to share?

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